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One of the tools that have helped me loose the weight is "listening" to my body. I learned this through reading several books about hunger and how it links to emotional eating, (the lack of hunger vs. actual hunger). It was very hard at first because it was a complete new concept and I did not completely trust myself. Then I found the guilt associated with certain foods was HUGE and I thought I could not allow myself to eat certain things because I would eat them even more to numb my feelings and thoughts. After about a year of listening to my body I saw a noticeable difference in my body, felt a difference in my thinking patterns and in my behavior. I allowed myself to eat what my body wanted including the occasional fast food burger, sweets, cakes and all of my faves with no guilt. The way I associated with food was different and I was loosing weight while doing it.
A week ago I was asked to keep a food journal and it's as though a wrench was thrown in my thought process. BAMN! I went WILD with a chili cheese burger and chili cheese fries. I, for the first time in a year, ATE the WHOLE THING! My body said no, by stomach was full but I kept on going. I felt GUILT, HUGE GUILT and the feeling deepend when I wrote it down in the so called food journal. Then I spiraled and wanted more and more bad foods. The negative self talk was so LARGE I continued to eat to numb myself and stop the noise. All of a sudden my positive self-talk and changed attitude went out the---forget the window--the county! I reached an all time low because the changed person I had been dealing with for the past year was all of a sudden not there--not in front of me. I could not even face myself when brushing my teeth in the mirror. I felt as though I had betrayed myself and once again I could not be trusted.
Yesterday was different. It was the day I didn't experience hunger. It was a fast paced work day and then I had to rush to school. It was a stressful day and instead of rushing to get the fast food or a high calorie chocolate bar, I waited it out ---yes I realize I went to the other side of the spectrum when it was 7:45PM and my only meal of the day was at 10:30AM--- not a good habit. However, for the first time in my life I understood people who have said they can't eat when they are stressed or busy. This is because I didn't emotionally reach for my snickers, Carl's Jr Burger or wathchamacallit. I was busy, stressed, worried but simply not hungry. I waited it out and at 8:30pm I had wild rice, grilled chicken and salad in the comfort of my own home. In my kitchen I was thinking salad never tasted so good. My body wanted salad and the GUILT of being human dissipated and the wrench in my thought process was gone. I once again felt in control of me, my body and felt how much I truly love me.
