Fitness for today.

I have shared my medical history in the past. Today was one of those days when it was all okay and it changed instantly. The difference, I pushed through the my dance class but was not satisfied with the fact that I couldn't give it 100%. 

I won't make myself wrong and will continue to work through what ever is necessary to reach my goal. 

I'm here. I'm strong. I'm pushing.

I've been working hard and writing less. I've also started to look at areas where I can make improvements and changes. I still have bad days and good days. But now I work out on the hard days too and I keep my eye on the prize. 

Trusting the process was important this month since I was disappointed in last months results. So here are the stats:

Heaviest: 318

Weight on 6/26: 269.2

Weight on 10/01: 250.6

Fat percentage on 07/01: 46%

Fat percentage on 10/04: 22.3%

Goal: 17.2%

I am so happy I kept going and I'm feeling great about my results. It reminds me to stay committed even when I'm not motivated. Keep moving and keep pushing. 

Trusting the process.

I have been on a binge since Wednesday. After each meal or snack I'd say this is the last one. However, I kept at it. Eating what I wanted with no tracking of calories. I also skipped work outs. I have been to lazy and uncommitted for more. Why? Because when I weighed and measured my fat % on the first of the month, I found out there was no change! None. Zilch. Nada. 

At first I kept pumping myself up trying to remind myself of my weight loss triumphs and achievements. I was trying not to over think instead I did just that and I quickly disregarded it all; the additional size I went down, how much thinner my arms look, how much my waist is slimming or the large amount of compliments I get daily. 

I just shut down and for five days I lived in disappointment, discouraged and complete gluttony. While I said each day was the last...it wasn't. I kept at it. I knew I was starting the fit4fall challenge tomorrow. So part of me excused it with that and the other part of me knew I was just cheating. The guilt was fueling my shame which in turn caused me to eat again. The over eating cycle.

Well. I'm not feeling sorry for myself because I'm allowed to be human. I'm done making myself wrong. Instead I'm getting up, dusting off, and pushing forward. Acknowledging  the behavior is the first step to being able to make a change.

There is nothing wrong, i'm not bad and i'm simply accepting the process. I'm moving forward and I'm pushing for the size 16 by 10/12. Declared. It's time for change.