Saturday - growth

I was shocked and amazed when I saw the numbers on the scale.  I have not exercised. I have not followed my clean eating plan but I have tracked every single point with my ww tracker. I lost weight!!!

I found that my vertigo, self sabotaging ways, lack of exercise and unhealthy choices did not stop me from working towards my goal. As long as I tracked what I ate.

I also realized how bad and lazy I feel when I don't eat clean. Eating clean makes me feel light, energized and free. It wasn't always that way and I like this new feeling. I crave fruit and vegetables. ..what?!? ... Exactly!

Work out
I did not keep up my schedule due to vertigo. I will go for it tomorrow and I plan to complete the week as scheduled. 

To growth and progress.

New month

I will be sharing work-out information tomorrow.

Yes

I'm still dizzy and I'm laying low.

Life goes on...

Keep Going

I have motivational quotes, posters and sayings that keep me going. Then I have life happening...which can at times stop me. Example, I received news of my friends medical condition on Tuesday, 01/21 and what followed were old habits. Over eating, lack of activity and the numbing of emotions through food. By Friday, 1/24 I felt a higher level of stress and my body was hating my mind for indulging in old bad habits. I allowed myself to continue the trend through the weekend but by Sunday Night I declared NO MORE. 

From left to right: Xoch, Kiki and Mari. Friends since infancy. 01/26/14

My Sunday was spent at a family baptism and a park reception. The activities performed through out the day opened my eyes. I was able to climb rocks, climb the jungle gym, slide and swing without fear of the pole shaking due to my weight. I did things I haven't been able to do comfortably in years!!! The feeling was awesome and provided the reality "CHECK" I needed to get back on track. 

My Bestie since Birth. 01/26/14 

The smile on my face and the feeling in my heart provide me with a healthier escape. Exercise relieves stress and it makes me feel better. Good food makes me feel better and makes my immune system stronger. Which means in turn, I can take better care of myself and my friend which will need me more than ever in days to come. To getting it together and working through it. For my bestie Andres.

How do you do it?

People in my social circles keep on asking, "how are you loosing weight?". I can go on about the details for days but the bottom line is I do it by taking it day by day. 

There are a whirlwind of emotions, occurrences and obstacles that may cause me to stop or take a day off. But in the end, my main objective is still there...I must get healthy. I allow myself to feel what I need to feel, go through what I need to go through, and then I tell myself to keep pushing. Then I do what it takes to get me through the day because this time I'm getting to the final goal.  

Smile. I'm making changes.

This is me before my morning work out. I'm keeping active and reaching goals. 

Trusting the process.

I have been on a binge since Wednesday. After each meal or snack I'd say this is the last one. However, I kept at it. Eating what I wanted with no tracking of calories. I also skipped work outs. I have been to lazy and uncommitted for more. Why? Because when I weighed and measured my fat % on the first of the month, I found out there was no change! None. Zilch. Nada. 

At first I kept pumping myself up trying to remind myself of my weight loss triumphs and achievements. I was trying not to over think instead I did just that and I quickly disregarded it all; the additional size I went down, how much thinner my arms look, how much my waist is slimming or the large amount of compliments I get daily. 

I just shut down and for five days I lived in disappointment, discouraged and complete gluttony. While I said each day was the last...it wasn't. I kept at it. I knew I was starting the fit4fall challenge tomorrow. So part of me excused it with that and the other part of me knew I was just cheating. The guilt was fueling my shame which in turn caused me to eat again. The over eating cycle.

Well. I'm not feeling sorry for myself because I'm allowed to be human. I'm done making myself wrong. Instead I'm getting up, dusting off, and pushing forward. Acknowledging  the behavior is the first step to being able to make a change.

There is nothing wrong, i'm not bad and i'm simply accepting the process. I'm moving forward and I'm pushing for the size 16 by 10/12. Declared. It's time for change.

Reality hit.

If I stopped bogging it is because I became overwhelmed with the amount of  posts and sharing. Not like, good or bad, right or wrong. It was more about I'm doing to much and I need to reset. Especially since my goal benchmark is coming up. I will share my stats next week when it's fat percentage time. Oh-oh. 

There are a few visible differences in the pic and its been 6 weeks. 

To positive outcomes. 

Day 10. Awakening

Obstacles and excuses will always exist. Life is a continuum of events that can easily lead to failure or success. Today I chose success. I followed the plan and when I had an opportunity to do otherwise I said no.

-no to the last minute invitation to the bar. 

-no to the temptation of just lounging on my mothers front porch. 

-no to going to watch a movie with a friend. 

-most importantly: no to my old ways of stopping when it gets to be too much, too hard or too different.

I have waken from my slumber and the love I have for my self is stronger than ever. For I can truly admire and love the woman I've become. I will continue to mature and grow into this beautiful person. The feeling is overwhelmingly exciting and joyous. 

It is me. Only me.

Day 9. Day of Sharing. Day of Recuperation.

It is finally time to share myself completely. There is no point of hiding who I am for there is no shame in who I am. On day 9 of my current regime I breakdown. I find myself questioning areas of my life. There is self-doubt and insecurity about my future. There was no physical work-out but there was plenty of mental and emotional feelings that needed to be sorted.

Part of the outcome was deciding to close certain social accounts like facebook to free my time and focus. There is nothing to gain from checking my status multiple times a day. Instead I will spend my energy writing about my transition. For being healthy is currently my number one priority; emotional, physical and mental health are all equally important. To better days.

Day 1.

My challenge begins with more structure.

"I will not be caged. I will not be restrained"

From time to time I will share quotes from one of the books that changed my outlook on food. While old habits are hard to break I need to remember that food will in the end cage and restrain me. I have been stress eating like crazy but I refocus when I find myself doing it and tell my self that is not the answer.

I have shared a link to an excerpt from the book in O Magazine Oprah and Women Food And God

Happy Sleeping.

hiatus

It's not because I'm less comitted or because the goal has fallen out of existence. It is simply because I have too much school work and work work. I will soon be done with projects and continue with my 4 times a week postings.

Hooray!

Time.

There is no point in me blaming it on time. I'm stressed and the lack of activity is taking a toll on my body.
Just thought I would note it and see if it would make a dif on my thinking process.