Working hard

I'm still keeping the pace. I'm down to 252 lbs and I am happy! Happy because I think that with this same dedication I will be able to meet the weight loss goal I set for my birthday. I just need to stay committed. 

Doing it! 

I'm still here.

And I'm following my regular routine. 

FOR THE WIN

I lied on 09/08/13. I wasn't done with my binge. I did not start the fit4fall challenge with the rest of  the group. Instead I ate the things I wanted in moderation and also continued to feel sorry for myself. My state of mind has been negative but I must thank those in the fit4fall challenge group who have posted positive thoughts and accountability posts. Each time I see them I start to think I can again. I'm not okay with feeling sorry for myself. Not to mention that I am 30 days away from my photo shoot!!! I also weighed myself this morning and I had a weight loss of 1.3 lbs. It is strange but it also makes me think I was probably having an off week when I weighed myself the last time. The point is It is not time to give up because I haven't reached goal!

With that said, I started my morning with tea, egg whites and wheat toast. The employees at my local trimana know it as "my usual" and they all excalimed they missed me when I went in this morning. I worked out on Monday for a couple hours but nothing since. I was crazy sore on Tuesday and Wednesday. My trainer cancelled yesterday so it was perfect for some naughty in-n-out. HA! It was good but not as good as I feel after an awesome work out and the right healthy food. I will be sure to work out today and post my first accountability sometime tonight or tomorrow. GAME FACE ON!!! ROAR!

*** WORK-OUT UPDATE ***
I danced for an hour with a total of 896 calories burned.

Trusting the process.

I have been on a binge since Wednesday. After each meal or snack I'd say this is the last one. However, I kept at it. Eating what I wanted with no tracking of calories. I also skipped work outs. I have been to lazy and uncommitted for more. Why? Because when I weighed and measured my fat % on the first of the month, I found out there was no change! None. Zilch. Nada. 

At first I kept pumping myself up trying to remind myself of my weight loss triumphs and achievements. I was trying not to over think instead I did just that and I quickly disregarded it all; the additional size I went down, how much thinner my arms look, how much my waist is slimming or the large amount of compliments I get daily. 

I just shut down and for five days I lived in disappointment, discouraged and complete gluttony. While I said each day was the last...it wasn't. I kept at it. I knew I was starting the fit4fall challenge tomorrow. So part of me excused it with that and the other part of me knew I was just cheating. The guilt was fueling my shame which in turn caused me to eat again. The over eating cycle.

Well. I'm not feeling sorry for myself because I'm allowed to be human. I'm done making myself wrong. Instead I'm getting up, dusting off, and pushing forward. Acknowledging  the behavior is the first step to being able to make a change.

There is nothing wrong, i'm not bad and i'm simply accepting the process. I'm moving forward and I'm pushing for the size 16 by 10/12. Declared. It's time for change.