Remain Coachable

Me waiting for my driver on 10/09.
First Selfie I have taken in awhile.
I can face me again.

I can feel my rolls of fat in certain places again. I reverted to binge eating patterns.  I identified them. I am working through these patterns. I was diligent about conscious eating since the beginning of photo challenge. I had a relapse last Wednesday after feeling a high level of frustration and depression. 

I was angry at myself for reverting to old habits. I was angry at myself for being in this constant cycle of vertigo. I was angry at my body. I felt a deep level of shame. I did not allow myself to accept the changes I have been experiencing. The limitations I feel are quite daunting for me. I am releasing all of these negative emotions and negative ways of thinking.

Today I woke up and gave myself a pep talk today : Don't be ashamed. You are doing the best you can daily. It may not seem like enough to others and none of that matters. You are doing this for you.

Happy is a state of mind.

I remind myself: Everything happens for a reason. I am well. It will all work out. I remain
focused on all the things I can do to improve matters.
I no longer focus on the things I cannot change. One step at a time. 

I embrace my rolls. I embrace my soul. 

Tough Mudder Tuesday - Lessons 1 - 5

A week before the Tough Mudder event I injured my knee. It was looking dim and coach was advising me to sit back. The risk was too high. Yet, for me there was a higher risk. I was combating with OBESITY. I knew I had to make a change and there was some real fear; fear of complacency. I knew that on 03/28 I had to JUMP IN! NO OPTIONS. I would walk it if I had to...but I would do it.

Los Game Changers is a team of 6 people who combined have lost 494 lbs. They were doing this with me. I had a support group. On event day, my knees were in pain by mile 2. I was walking. I was in it for the long haul and I knew that was the smartest way. I officially was the weakest link on the team and after the 3rd obstacle all but one teammate left me. Or so I thought, I had a whole new team…it was the TM Team. It was the community. Each and every one of them…this still blows me away. So much, I add a disclaimer for possible rambling! 

Post TM, I am able to identify my recent behaviors and the difficulty I have with acknowledgement. I realize I stop myself because I do not want people to view me, my shape or my person. I knew this in some ways before…but Tough Mudder cemented something in me. I AM NOT MY FAT.  There is me and there is Fat. We are not one. I can not use fat to hide me because I am not invisible. No amount of weight I gain will ever hide me. The only thing fat does is shorten my life span. 

TM also reminded me I matter. There were so many people there ready to help. Cheering me on and then telling me I could do it. I borrowed their belief when I thought I could not go anymore. People saw me for me and did not shy away. They helped me. -- I CLIMBED WALLS!! All 228 pounds of me!! I could not do the bars but I JUMPED IN! I cramped up in CRY BABY got out…then jumped right back in and did it. I DID THE BEST I COULD. I PUSHED my LIMITS and COMPLETED TM. I own my power. 

This fuels me to lose the next 80. I will continue to share my story with those in my community. I accept my bright star and want to bring all that light to others. 

Here's to you meeting your weight and fitness goals! 

Motivational Monday

Dream a little Dream.

There are so many emotions and feelings around tough mudder. I still cannot put it all into words without rambling. I expected to be able to blog away. Instead I'm here thinking of the best way to say it. Then I remember #1 on my list of lessons.

Some TM Lessons.

1. Don't overthink things.

2. Mental noise kills. 

3. Not everyone will be there when they said they would. You can't resent them. They have their own path to follow.

4. A friendly face goes a long way.

5. You can use your charisma and ask for help. Wait, I knew that. I have to be willing to accept it too.

6. Strangers can become friends. Let them in.

7. Just let go.

8. Everything is better when you're having fun.

9. Always do your best.

10. There are Angels out there.

11. I am worthy of someone else's help.

12. In life I go at my own pace. I am
only in competition with me.

13. Love and appreciate those who stay at your side. No matter your struggle. No matter your pain.

14. Trust others have good intentions.

15. Be willing to listen. Learn.

16. Encourage others. You matter too.

17. It takes a Village!

18. When you think you can't do something. Try again.

19. Don't quit when you're ahead.

20. Dig deep. You can go even further.

21. Stop pacing. Own your power! Yes it goes against 12! But explains 22.

22. Be flexible.

23. Push. Don't take the best of you to the grave. Let others see it now.

24. Jose really really loves me. I knew it before the challenge but him calling me his balsy wifey. A bonafide badass!!! That takes a big man! He really loves me for me! LOL

25. It ain't that serious. Jump in ... again!

26. Live the moment.

So go live. Be present. Shine big.

Remain coachable

I'm not over thinking just moving forward because I have 15 days before tough mudder. I'll keep the posts shorter but trust me I'm giving it my all.

I remain coachable by remaining focused on the goal!!

Here's to completing this sucka!

Tough Mudder 2015 Redefined | Official Video: https://youtu.be/Jim-ksScOoc

110. Enlightenment

Above Emerald Bay, South Lake Tahoe, Ca - May 2014

I Heart the Outdoors

I've had several conversations with trainers telling me my expectation are high for my 09/30 goal is high. I should slice the goal in half. Then I was told 48 pounds would be the healthiest and highest number I should aim for by 09/30/14.

I'm open to the new number. Just like I'm open to the idea of having more outings. I look forward to getting healthy so I can climb mountains, hike through trails and just get out and play.

Here's to making a successful meal and work-out plan.

To Happy Days.

Day 29. Challenge.

This whole process is a challenge and I keep pushing. I did NOT wake up at 4:30A for my regular yoga and cardio routine. I told myself if I don't do it in the morning then I have to do it after work at the Citi Plaza 24. I HATE that gym. It challenges my comfort level. Challenge met.

I noticed while on the bike that my heart rate was pretty steady and not like in the past. I added resistance and also did more elliptical training. I was real close to quitting but I kept on pushing. Challenge met. 

Then I got home with an hour and a half to spare before dance class. I took a nap and overslept. I was going to call and say I can't make it because I really didn't want to go. Instead I pushed myself and thought 5-8 min. late isn't ideal but not that bad either. I went and had a blast sweating. Challenge met. 

To accomplishing small, big and every other type of challenge.

Say bye bye to the Loosy Goosy Days and hello...

...to the tutti fruity days!!! I'm going strong with my challenges and pushing myself as hard as I can.

I have set a few new goals including:

• burning at least 700 calories during cardio a day.
• eating one salad a day.
• no desserts, candy bars etc. unless it is truly desired e.g. during menstruating days.
• if someone invites me to work out, say YES.

 I have been doing a lot of stretching and dancing as additional activity for the day. It is not a whole lot of structure but it is enough to keep me focused.

I'm happy. I'm proud. Most of all I'm feeling tutti fruity working hard and playing hard!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dbEhBKGOtY