SHARING IS CARING
Three people shared their stories with me this week. They each shared about where they were in their journey. Some mentioned the transitions they have experienced and what they have learned about themselves in the process. One person touched on the difficulty of sharing but felt she needed to talk to me. The other shared about the avoidance of feeling pain and how food helped her numb it all. Then there was the share about life's unexpected changes and how to cope with it all. Each share ended with a big thank you for sharing and providing positivity.
What these three people did not know was I was aching too; questioning, fighting and having difficulty sharing. I was pushing to stay positive but feeling like I was failing. Then just as the light seemed dim, they appeared.
FEELING THE PAIN
Being sick is never fun. Not knowing what my body is doing can be frustrating and even builds anger. - Vertigo spins, dizzy spells, constant colds, fever days and nauseous moments take a toll. -They discourage me and make me seek comfort foods for "soothing". Bad habits creep in...Bread, lovely fluffy bread. Lemonade, sweet and tangy lemonade. "Papas"...mmmmm...give me some creamy "papas". Then my body craves good foods so I go back to good eating. But the back and forth and the tastes, here and there, ADD UP. They also send my body into confusion mode.
Mental games relating to fears about people invading my space and touching me inappropriately became real for me in February. He called it playful, I call it disrespectful and uninvited. Threats of slapping and boxing him for his unwarranted advances were made. He stopped and brushed it off as "friendly" men behavior. I called it, "unpleasant I am going to slap you the next time" behavior. It is this type of behavior that triggers something deep in my being. It puts me in a panic. It caused a down spiral effect and furthered my already frustrated and angered state of mind. It brought mindfulness to a halt.
Daily stressors from work and family life only add to the mix. Not being able to voice what I am thinking or making errors sends me into a frenzy. I like to manage things and plan. With time I have been able to cope with unforeseen changes with flexibility. However, when I am the cause of the error or I am ignored, well I do not do so well with it and over think the correction process. I seek balance by surrounding myself with positive affirmations. In February, my affirmations were not enough. It all took a toll and the negativity added up. It added up to a 10 pound gain in a month! Yes, "taste" eating, fear from past triggers, and stress from day to day living put a 10 pound dent on my goal. My light was dim.
THE AFTERMATH: FOCUS ON LOVE
Regardless of how ill I felt. I kept going. I kept going to workout when I could. I stayed active for as long as I could. It resulted in a little over 29 hours of activity. While I was at home making myself wrong for not doing more...I did not consider I was doing as much as I could. Old habits will creep with ease and so can disease. While I may not know the cause of this cycle of vertigo. I can do my best to manage it. The doctor may not be able to provide insight to the cause but I can search for alternatives to create balance.This means sticking to clean eating and soothing with other things like music, reading, yoga, a massage etc. I practice self-love with lovable actions. I have done it before. I can do it again.
Remaining Mindful can be tough when I am trying to forget acts that are part of my past. Forgetting the past is not possible. Forgiving past acts is doable. Remaining rooted in my being and connecting with my inner strength is key. People's behavior will not impact the core of my being and I manage this with mindfulness. - I cannot escape with food. I cannot escape my power. There is no escaping me. - Instead I choose to focus on the support system I have created. The people who share their stories and tell me I inspire their journey. I focus on all the good in my life and remain grateful for the positive opportunities that surround me. I choose to focus on the bigger picture : a world full of endless positive possibilities and love.
We all have trials. We all have stressors. We also have a choice to deal with those negative occurrences with grace. I know I have grown leaps and bounds in the last five years. I also know I must remain humble and grounded for I do not know what my future holds. I create light around me and no matter the struggle I tell myself it will get better. It all works out for my higher good. Above all I choose to lift those around me too.
LIGHT
I need it. So I come clean to create anew. I remain true to the goal of a healthy me. I am human and share to bring light to you. Together we all make things much brighter.
Here's to making a positive imprint in our life's journey. Much love to you.
