True Thursday

People often ask me, "What made you want to do it?" 

There is no simple answer, or is there? It was the feeling of I'm to young to die. I'm to young feel this way. The true cruel reality of diabetes and high blood pressure. I had to make a change.

A 100 lb. lost was a big change for me and part of it was daunting. Not recognizing myself.  Receiving unwanted attention. Seeing myself for who I am.

The cementing turning point.

After dealing with my feelings. After providing myself with the space "to be" it came down to   this.My aunt is ill. She is 57 and requires dialysis because of her diabetes. She requires a double bypass surgery. She is the third to youngest of my seven aunts. All of which have diabetes.
       

Cruel Reality.
If I do not continue with my weight loss goals. I will fall back. I have to make a change. When things got real about health my mind was set. It all became second nature, again.

My freedom is more important than my fear. I accept change.It is a process. It is work.Work I am willing to do.
          I read positive affirmations.
          I meditate.
          I practice self-love.
          All things that lead to a better me.

I practice the power of choice.

         This cookie or my life. Choose.
         This slice of cake or my life. Choose.
                   
The statements keep me focused on self-love. It empowers me to choose vs. feel obligated.
It is not an exaggeration, it is the truth. Seeing relatives live with limitations and dependency on medication makes it real.

My Mission.

To be a pioneer and show the younger generations in my family we do not have to fall into this cycle.
To inspire the older generations and see they do not have to live with diabetes. They too can make a change.
To inspire people who think they cannot do it.
             Get up and Go.
                           
                    And if you fall, get up and Go                                                  

                                             AGAIN!

#sisepuede

       

Motivational Monday

Dream a little Dream.

There are so many emotions and feelings around tough mudder. I still cannot put it all into words without rambling. I expected to be able to blog away. Instead I'm here thinking of the best way to say it. Then I remember #1 on my list of lessons.

Some TM Lessons.

1. Don't overthink things.

2. Mental noise kills. 

3. Not everyone will be there when they said they would. You can't resent them. They have their own path to follow.

4. A friendly face goes a long way.

5. You can use your charisma and ask for help. Wait, I knew that. I have to be willing to accept it too.

6. Strangers can become friends. Let them in.

7. Just let go.

8. Everything is better when you're having fun.

9. Always do your best.

10. There are Angels out there.

11. I am worthy of someone else's help.

12. In life I go at my own pace. I am
only in competition with me.

13. Love and appreciate those who stay at your side. No matter your struggle. No matter your pain.

14. Trust others have good intentions.

15. Be willing to listen. Learn.

16. Encourage others. You matter too.

17. It takes a Village!

18. When you think you can't do something. Try again.

19. Don't quit when you're ahead.

20. Dig deep. You can go even further.

21. Stop pacing. Own your power! Yes it goes against 12! But explains 22.

22. Be flexible.

23. Push. Don't take the best of you to the grave. Let others see it now.

24. Jose really really loves me. I knew it before the challenge but him calling me his balsy wifey. A bonafide badass!!! That takes a big man! He really loves me for me! LOL

25. It ain't that serious. Jump in ... again!

26. Live the moment.

So go live. Be present. Shine big.

Motivational Monday

Yesterday was group hike day. This hike was a backwards hike. A backwards hike is when you start with the beautiful view at the height of the mountain. It also means you are challenged at the end of the hike as opposed to mid-hike. The group was smaller this time and I was able to spend one on one time with everyone. It was perfect because I had the opportunity to play with perspective just as I had planned.


Beauty

I started the hike by explaining the trail from the top. I also told everyone to take in the view because I wanted them to make a before and after comparison. I said, "the view will be the same but your perspective about what is around and below will change. Trust me and just take it all in you will appreciate it a whole other way after our hike." Then we started trailing ahead.

We each appreciated the beauty of the trail. The beautiful yellow flowers. The ocean and mountain tops. We laughed and had great conversation. We met the challenge and before we knew it we were at the top. I told them all to gaze out again and what I got was, "OMG you're right it does change. WOW! It is so much more beautiful".

The way I relate to this specific hike is ... You can get life's goodies handed to you. You may have beauty all around you but sometimes you do not appreciate it unless you work for it. There is something about how it may make you feel. Then and only then can you really appreciate the beauty with the depth your soul desires. Put it simply, sometimes hard work and meeting the challenge provides you with a new perspective that overfills you with joy. It is the feeling of accomplishment.

Sometimes you just need to get in the trenches and work on your challenge to really appreciate the journey. So just as it gets tough...keep going! Do not stop because the view on the other side ... can really surprise you. --- I must remind myself of this whenever I lose fuel. I say there is a reason for the curve ball. I must persist and remain grateful for there is an abundance of beauty around me.

Here's to keeping it going.

True Thursday

SHARING IS CARING

Three people shared their stories with me this week. They each shared about where they were in their journey. Some mentioned the transitions they have experienced and what they have learned about themselves in the process. One person touched on the difficulty of sharing but felt she needed to talk to me. The other shared about the avoidance of feeling pain and how food helped her numb it all. Then there was the share about life's unexpected changes and how to cope with it all. Each share ended with a big thank you for sharing and providing positivity.

What these three people did not know was I was aching too; questioning, fighting and having difficulty sharing. I was pushing to stay positive but feeling like I was failing. Then just as the light seemed dim, they appeared.

FEELING THE PAIN

Being sick is never fun. Not knowing what my body is doing can be frustrating and even builds anger. - Vertigo spins, dizzy spells, constant colds, fever days and nauseous moments take a toll. -They discourage me and make me seek comfort foods for "soothing". Bad habits creep in...Bread, lovely fluffy bread. Lemonade, sweet and tangy lemonade. "Papas"...mmmmm...give me some creamy "papas". Then my body craves good foods so I go back to good eating. But the back and forth and the tastes, here and there, ADD UP. They also send my body into confusion mode.

Mental games relating to fears about people invading my space and touching me inappropriately became real for me in February. He called it playful, I call it disrespectful and uninvited. Threats of slapping and boxing him for his unwarranted advances were made. He stopped and brushed it off as "friendly" men behavior. I called it, "unpleasant I am going to slap you the next time" behavior. It is this type of behavior that triggers something deep in my being. It puts me in a panic. It caused a down spiral effect and furthered my already frustrated and angered state of mind. It brought mindfulness to a halt.

Daily stressors from work and family life only add to the mix. Not being able to voice what I am thinking or making errors sends me into a frenzy. I like to manage things and plan. With time I have been able to cope with unforeseen changes with flexibility. However, when I am the cause of the error or I am ignored, well I do not do so well with it and over think the correction process. I seek balance by surrounding myself with positive affirmations. In February, my affirmations were not enough. It all took a toll and the negativity added up. It added up to a 10 pound gain in a month! Yes, "taste" eating, fear from past triggers, and stress from day to day living put a 10 pound dent on my goal. My light was dim.

THE AFTERMATH: FOCUS ON LOVE

Regardless of how ill I felt. I kept going. I kept going to workout when I could. I stayed active for as long as I could. It resulted in a little over 29 hours of activity. While I was at home making myself wrong for not doing more...I did not consider I was doing as much as I could. Old habits will creep with ease and so can disease. While I may not know the cause of this cycle of vertigo. I can do my best to manage it. The doctor may not be able to provide insight to the cause but I can search for alternatives to create balance.This means sticking to clean eating and soothing with other things like music, reading, yoga, a massage etc. I practice self-love with lovable actions. I have done it before. I can do it again.

Remaining Mindful can be tough when I am trying to forget acts that are part of my past. Forgetting the past is not possible. Forgiving past acts is doable. Remaining rooted in my being and connecting with my inner strength is key. People's behavior will not impact the core of my being and I manage this with mindfulness. - I cannot escape with food. I cannot escape my power. There is no escaping me. - Instead I choose to focus on the support system I have created. The people who share their stories and tell me I inspire their journey. I focus on all the good in my life and remain grateful for the positive opportunities that surround me. I choose to focus on the bigger picture : a world full of endless positive possibilities and love.

We all have trials. We all have stressors. We also have a choice to deal with those negative occurrences with grace. I know I have grown leaps and bounds in the last five years. I also know I must remain humble and grounded for I do not know what my future holds. I create light around me and no matter the struggle I tell myself it will get better. It all works out for my higher good. Above all I choose to lift those around me too.

LIGHT

I need it. So I come clean to create anew. I remain true to the goal of a healthy me. I am human and share to bring light to you. Together we all make things much brighter.

Here's to making a positive imprint in our  life's journey. Much love to you.

Motivational Monday

February my Failure Month; this is what I called it in my head. I was sick for most of the month and did not workout for weeks at a time. I did not train as planned for the tough mudder. I was feeling down. I ate comfort foods then I juiced for nutrition. I sought balance while I was going haywire. My inner workings were all over the place. I made myself wrong and was angry when all I needed was some self-love. It was a month of self-criticism and illness. 

Then today I get this via email. I worked out 29:11:51 hours!!! WHAT?!? If I average it out it is more than an hour a day! AND I burned a little over 891 calories a day...not bad! Was it less than my average amount? Yes! Is it acceptable for how I was feeling...YES! 

My point is this...February is gone. March is here. I can hold on to how I did not do things the way I planned. I can hold on to how I do not look or feel how I am supposed to feel. I would much rather focus on what I did accomplish and what I will accomplish today. I invite you to do the same. 

Make the change one day at a time. One pound at a time. 

Here's to focusing on the good things!

Remain Coachable

Vision

I have a vision of how things should appear. How it should unfold but the truth of the matter is it does not always work out that way. I may be real happy and diligent one day; and not so much the next. The same underlining tone remains. I still commit acts of sabotage. Reasons unknown and really at this point it is just for lack of being my word.

Acknowledgement

This time I am not hiding away at home. I am coming out and being active no matter how much my vertigo acts up, no matter how much I cough, no matter how much it hurts e.g. my knee, my back, my ear etc. Whatever it is I can manage it. I am not willing to sit in the shadows and play small. I am not willing to stay away from people who provide love, share their stories and are full of encouragement. I can work through it.

I am also acknowledging my shortcomings by admitting what shames me; I still have all of those clothes that don't fit me! - Tomorrow is the day I take the first step and clear 10 bags of plus size clothing. I'm donating them to Downtown Women's Shelter because they often need plus-sizes. I have given up the story that I need to sell them to make some extra money. I believe acts of kindness will continue to provide me with abundance and prosperity.

Remain Open

I continue to share myself with others and release old negative thought patterns. Those patterns no longer limit me. I open the door to my home as I do the door to my heart. I am moving through thoughts of forgiveness and love. So I'm jumping in and hosting Yoga Night at my house.

This weeks Coaching Lesson

I remain coachable by believing all is well and that everything is working for my highest good. I remain focused and believe myself to be unstoppable in the face of fear. I am conquering one item at a time  and trusting life.

Namaste.

Motivational Monday

Central Garden at the Getty Center Museum. November 9, 2014

Letting Go

Today as I got ready for work I took a long stare in the mirror. I noticed the changes in my face. I became present to my feelings and all of the fears and doubts I have about my journey. Then I stated today's affirmation: I let go of all fear and doubt and life become simple and easy for me.  

The positive affirmation allowed me to just be present to joy which completely set me up for what came next.

Today's News

I received the best e-mail ever. I received my lab results back. The day I have been waiting for is finally here. As of today I am no longer in the diabetes zone and I am med free! YES!!!

This is the most exciting news I have received in a long time. It fuels and motivates me to go for the ultimate goal. I am in love with myself and there is nothing wrong with me for doing so. I honor myself, my body and my health.  I no longer feel like I committing suicide by making poor health choices. I am free.

If you have a goal related to fitness, weight loss and health then I say: stay on target. Even if you stray a little...get right back to it. If you ever gave up ... get right back up. Get out there and put in some work for what you really want because it is never to late and baby steps count! 

Have a wonderful Monday and PLAY HARD!

Lent: The time of year...

...when I gain the most weight.

This is the time of year when I GAIN, GAIN, GAIN. The time of year when I say, "oh my mom only makes this during lent so I must have it." 

NOT THIS YEAR

This year I have a 12-week challenge. This year I am committed more than ever. This year I BELIEVE I can meet GOAL.

THIS YEAR

I am going to engage in only the positive behaviors of my lent traditions. I will volunteer and share myself with others. Do good for others.

THIS YEAR

I am also going to do something I have not done for years during lent. I am giving up something: I am giving up the story that I am meant to be fat. I am giving up my fear associated with being anything other than who I truly am: a happy and loving person full of life.

THIS YEAR

San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Oct. 2013

I am going to meet goal. I am clear my day to day "sacrifices" i.e. behavioral modifications, the hard work-outs, the amount of times I say, "NO", when I'm offered something unhealthy; are all for a greater good.

THIS YEAR

I am owning my greatness and sharing myself with others. I am going to mentor at risk-teens and live a life of purpose.

To reflecting, sacrificing and doing good for others. 

Going for 100...

Pushing my self on a day to day basis. Today I'm working from home because I'm ill with my reoccurring problem. But sitting here in my jammies I realized I only have one large stomach roll instead of the three I used to have...yay!!! 

I'm also able to acknowledge how hard I'm working for my goal. My mindset is all about having fun, trying something new and changing it up so it doesn't feel like it is hard. I realized my view point was different when I asked my brother, who is also my trainer, if my body was changing quickly because I was noticing a lot if changes at a fast pace. His response was, "no, you're not changing quickly!" I was shocked and kind of upset until he said, "you're getting results because you work hard! Double work-outs, 6 days a week, girl you're putting the work in and that's why you're getting results." 

This leads me to the next subject. Goal revision. It is clear I will not meet 46 lbs by 2/28 given my lack of significant weight loss in Dec, and Jan (total of 10lbs). I recommit to loosing another 20 lbs by 2/28 making it a total loss of 100 lbs. This means I'm elevating my game and focusing on the goal. 

Here's to #going4100 !