THE ELEPHANT

I've been overweight my entire life. I've held on to this fat as my form of protection and as my shield against the world. It has been a part of me for as long as I can recall.

It too has been a source of pain and illness. Pain because my appearance sometimes made me an outkast ... it was the source of teasing and name calling. Even by my own father. He called me,  elefante. It was painful and mean. I often told him to stop but he took it lightly until this past Sunday.

After a deep heart to heart conversation he acknowledged his regrets and wrong doings. He apologized for any wrong doing. Specifically name calling. I shared with him how much it meant to me. I told him how for years I tried reframing and applied the positive significance to "elefante". But on bad days when my self-esteem was low...all I could hear was my negative dad.

His response : You are wise beyond your years. You have taught me and continue to teach me so much. I am proud of who you are and how much you accomplish. I am sorry if I ever hurt you with my ignorance and my actions.

I responded with : I am the elephant because of what I practice not because I am fat. I can own that now. Thanks for your acknowledgement.

He smiled and agreed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Be the light.  Shine bright.  Be grand.

Remain Coachable

Reflections. Denver Botanic Gardens. 5/18/15

 

 

The trip to Colorado has been fun-filled, spiritual and reflective. I did not every minute like in the past. I'm just going with the flow. It's been hard at times with my total controlling ways yet in the end it always feels good, something good comes out of the day. Peaceful.

 

 Don't get me wrong, I had a general idea about what I wanted to view what I want to view but just took it day by day based on the feel of the day. HUGE for me and LOVELY too. I'm happy.

 

The Lunch I packed for our Garden of the God's Trip.

MEALS



I truly had the best time creating meals for my God Kids. They questioned my cooking and were pleasantly surprised with the taste and feel. It was a great moment when they each told me how much they liked the salad and wraps. They asked me to be sure to email them the recipes. I said I'd send them pointers when I got home. Nice to expose them to new things. I hope they also go in search of some of these recipes and foods on their own.                       

                                                     

The nitty gritty, I've had it all with moderation. I balance as much as I can and order veggies and fruit when possible. The only day I let loose was Wednesday for lunch. I had BBQ with all the fixins, cole slaw, baked beans, potato salad, French fries and corn bread. Oh my GAH, it was delicious BUT I had half portions or quarter portions of each. I ate slowly and bit every single bite DOWN! When I was mid-full I stopped. Then we walked and walked and walked until it felt all right. The next meal Salad and Chili. The portion was great. The salad tower became this full lovely salad ( A LOT OF ARUGULA!) and my heart was content. Eating clean will be key for the rest of my trip. My stomach is already feeling the effects of the "Q" so it's telling me, "hey stop that!". I'm listening. But here I go again, eating the "ouch so painful burger! Until, I took a bite and said no more. I looked down and I had eaten about a quarter. Then I reached for the salad. The best part, today was Jose's formal dinner romantic celebration. Well, we decided to opt out on the big meal and take a stroll through the Garden of the God's during this lovely clear night. Oh, and plenty of water.

Tomorrow we start with a nice fresh meal.

 

 

EXERCISE

I've maintained as active as possible. Going for walks, strolls, hikes, using the fitness rooms at the hotels. I even took a Kettle Ball class, which has me extremely sore, but it feels great! I stretch throughout my days and breathe deep to take it all in. Truly Beautiful.

 

SOUL

 

CONTENT. ESTATIC. CALM. JOYFUL. PLAYFUL. WITH MUCH MUCH FIRE. O SEA, PASSION. Thank you world.

 

Now I have to keep on going so I have to go!!

To many fulfilling days. To many fulfilling moments.

Yes Life I Remain Coachable!

Enjoy!

The view from our rom.

Remain Coachable

Mind. Body. Soul.

I have lived with fear for far too long. Even after my TM experience and declaration. In the back of my mind I thought about "that thing". I thought about the abuse and pain I endured for most of my childhood and adolescence. Even as I blog today I am wary about having to "tippy-toe" around the subject because of the "what will they say?" convo or the "stigma" that may follow.

To be clear, I do not reveal this part of my story to remain stuck in the pain and fear. I share this in order to create a platform for all of those who struggle with some sort of pain in their life. I share so they too can take a stand for a better self because there is nothing more satisfying then rising from darkness.

In the past month my fears about my past got very real in my head. I shut-down and I was becoming ill. My Knees. My Stomach. My. Chest.
All in pain. It was starting to snowball but I noticed and took a stand. I started to read about healing, self-love and self-love. I went through the motions of every day life.  I started to balance my choices.

I was making progress. Then came my bridge; The Hay House World Summit 2015 . They released audio interviews and movies on 5/8 and I started to pay attention. Soon enough my fears were released once more. I noticed how long I was in darkness and how long it took me to get out. I allowed myself to accept and validate my winter. Soon enough it was SPRING and there was a SPRING in my step. Today I find myself singing in the rain.

My Community.

My girls. My boyz. My rocks. They are the people I interact with daily. Those who focus on self-progress and self-awareness. They post about healthy life choices; good meals, exercise and words of encouragement. They are the people I look forward to reading about and encourage me when I lay ill on my couch. They make me rise with a smile no matter how I feel. For them I am grateful.

My coach with his rants and <clear throat> lectures helps too. His last words on Tuesday gave me that extra push too. He said, "I know you do yoga" and all I thought was, "Oh my yoga!" My yoga practice had been dormant for weeks!!

Yoga

On Wednesday I woke up and just like many mornings ago...I started my day with Yoga. It was like meeting an old friend. I'm in love all over again.Three days into my morning yoga routine ... I remember how much I love it. It is the fundamental piece to my well being and weight loss. It fills my heart with self-love and gratitude. It cements my purpose to encourage, motivate and love others. It provides the clarity and intuition I desire. A great example is this very moment. Just as I contemplate "saving" or "publishing" today's post I receive three messages:

(1) The hummingbird comes to me. It reminds me to fly.
(2) The text from my girlfriend informing me she's reached a new weight loss goal. She reminds me of the impact I have on others.
(3) The song "free your mind" comes on ... I let go and allow the rest to follow!!

Here's to standing in the light.

NAMASTE.

The hide out.

Mentality

My mental state for the most part has been positive. The structure I had for the month of May fell out. I kept most of my routines because my goal was to make it to the white river rafting adventure with as much strength as possible. My insecurities kicked in a couple of days before rafting but I did it. It felt AWESOME just like I did back in my college days. INVINCIBLE. 

White River Rafting. American River near Sacramento, Ca. May 16, 2016

Meal-Plans

I stopped tracking my food and winged it. The consequence is a 3 pound weight gain. So be it. I'm coming clean because I'm ramping up for the final home stretch. I have 122 days before my final goal date of 09/30/14. I know careful meal planning and point counting will be the key to my success. Point tracking is key and I will do it going forward.

Work-outs

I've been pretty consistent with my work-outs. Everything except the 12-week challenge. I hated admitting it to my readers but mostly to myself. I saw it as a failing moment. I made myself wrong for not doing things "right". Then I hid because it is a typical way I handle things when I put a lot of pressure on myself. I finally decided to focus on my fitness highlights. I tried new things like boxing, beach yoga, new hiking trails and new training techniques. oh and of course I rafted; an activity I used to love doing annually and was unable to do due to my weight for almost 14 years. 

No Excuses

Having a confessional blogging moment is the perfect time to recommit. I'm hooked on this new lifestyle and I'm not letting go until I reach goal. Having a detour doesn't mean I'm stopping. It just means I'm human. I still want to provide a "how to" to other people who are struggling with their weight or simply want to be healthy. This makes me move forward because I'm truly living an inspired life and I want others to do the same. 

To living to inspire myself and others.

Yes, this is getting old...

Halloween 2011.

...but it is okay. Being sick allowed me to work from home today. It allowed me to take a nap for lunch and instead of commuting from work in the evening I napped again. I spent the rest of my night reflecting on the journey and made a plan for the missed work outs.

I'm adding a few work-outs to the months rotation and dancing this weekend. I am eating low-calorie meals on Saturday, my supposed free day.I am also extending my 12-week challenge one week since I lost most of my work-outs this week. It is all good and I am at peace with the process.

To being healthy.

Lent: The time of year...

...when I gain the most weight.

This is the time of year when I GAIN, GAIN, GAIN. The time of year when I say, "oh my mom only makes this during lent so I must have it." 

NOT THIS YEAR

This year I have a 12-week challenge. This year I am committed more than ever. This year I BELIEVE I can meet GOAL.

THIS YEAR

I am going to engage in only the positive behaviors of my lent traditions. I will volunteer and share myself with others. Do good for others.

THIS YEAR

I am also going to do something I have not done for years during lent. I am giving up something: I am giving up the story that I am meant to be fat. I am giving up my fear associated with being anything other than who I truly am: a happy and loving person full of life.

THIS YEAR

San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Oct. 2013

I am going to meet goal. I am clear my day to day "sacrifices" i.e. behavioral modifications, the hard work-outs, the amount of times I say, "NO", when I'm offered something unhealthy; are all for a greater good.

THIS YEAR

I am owning my greatness and sharing myself with others. I am going to mentor at risk-teens and live a life of purpose.

To reflecting, sacrificing and doing good for others. 

Reality hit.

If I stopped bogging it is because I became overwhelmed with the amount of  posts and sharing. Not like, good or bad, right or wrong. It was more about I'm doing to much and I need to reset. Especially since my goal benchmark is coming up. I will share my stats next week when it's fat percentage time. Oh-oh. 

There are a few visible differences in the pic and its been 6 weeks. 

To positive outcomes. 

The Joyful Return

I continue the journey. I have not weighed myself in some time but expect to be around the same weight. Instead I'm starting to blog to record this free and enlightened feeling brought on by the completion of school. There are still other issues which arise and I work through them. Just like I will work through my largest challenge, my weight. 

I push forward with my freedom outfit. :)